I ask Buddha questions about everything... how his day went, what color is his favorite... and on and on and on.
I'm noticing a change in his response though. When I ask these simple questions, he looks at me with a "DUH!" expression on his face. I think if he knew how to use the phrase "DUH" I would be hearing it all day.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The Evolution, History, and Future of this blog
This blog started because I was lonely. I was a new SAHM in a state with no family, and only friends who worked and lived half an hour away. I felt isolated and had no one to talk to outside of Husband. And let's be honest here... he's great and all, but completely sucks at girl talk.
So I blogged. I joined a moms group in TX. I met people and they read my blog. It was weird, because they would know me before they met me. They would read about all of my vulgar inner thoughts and then meet me. I can't even count the number of times I've been told that I'm not like my blog in person, at least not at first. And Husband has told me that "Your blog is funny, why aren't you funny in real life?" He's a jackass. A clever little jackass.
So other moms in TX had blogs. And I got to know them and know their personal details. And I liked it. I can't stay on the phone all day, but I'd like to know how you're doing... what you did today... etc.
Then we moved to B'ham. And I used the blog to chronicle and cope with my loneliness again. And I joined a moms group. And the same thing happened again. I think of it as the equivalent to chatting at the fence with your neighbor back in the '50's. Only easier, less human, and with pictures to document it.
I have always been obscenely honest on my blog. I wrote what I wanted to without regard to who would read it. I was never aiming to hurt anyone, but if you were offended because I called a woman a bad mother because she hit her kid in the face for not sitting down... so be it. It's mine. It's not a public poll and it's not meant to amuse you. It's meant to amuse me. It's meant to amuse my friends and keep them "in" on what goes on in my life on a regular basis.
Then I started thinking about other people. Would that offend them? Can I say that without hurting their feelings? And I wrote less often and less detailed. I know you can't please everyone, but I didn't want to hurt anyone. But I must say... the watered down version of me? I don't like it.
Then things took a turn. Blogs became weapons. Ways to covertly say something to someone without owning up to it. I almost hit "Delete" on this blog several times, but never did because that would be letting other people control me. And I wasn't the first blogger on earth, but I was the one of the first ones around here. I've never been out to be the next Dooce, I've never looked at this as anything but fun. And it wasn't anymore.
This leads up to the present. I'm here and not going anywhere. I am surrounded by the best friends and family I could ask for. I'm ready to offend people again. I like blogging. I feel an odd sense of release when I do it. I know it opens me up to people who won't appreciate me or GASP! maybe even people who don't like me. But that's fine. We all know how Howard Stern became the King of All Media... A lot of people listened to him because they liked him... but MORE people listened because they didn't like him.
So maybe I will be the next Dooce after all. :)
So I blogged. I joined a moms group in TX. I met people and they read my blog. It was weird, because they would know me before they met me. They would read about all of my vulgar inner thoughts and then meet me. I can't even count the number of times I've been told that I'm not like my blog in person, at least not at first. And Husband has told me that "Your blog is funny, why aren't you funny in real life?" He's a jackass. A clever little jackass.
So other moms in TX had blogs. And I got to know them and know their personal details. And I liked it. I can't stay on the phone all day, but I'd like to know how you're doing... what you did today... etc.
Then we moved to B'ham. And I used the blog to chronicle and cope with my loneliness again. And I joined a moms group. And the same thing happened again. I think of it as the equivalent to chatting at the fence with your neighbor back in the '50's. Only easier, less human, and with pictures to document it.
I have always been obscenely honest on my blog. I wrote what I wanted to without regard to who would read it. I was never aiming to hurt anyone, but if you were offended because I called a woman a bad mother because she hit her kid in the face for not sitting down... so be it. It's mine. It's not a public poll and it's not meant to amuse you. It's meant to amuse me. It's meant to amuse my friends and keep them "in" on what goes on in my life on a regular basis.
Then I started thinking about other people. Would that offend them? Can I say that without hurting their feelings? And I wrote less often and less detailed. I know you can't please everyone, but I didn't want to hurt anyone. But I must say... the watered down version of me? I don't like it.
Then things took a turn. Blogs became weapons. Ways to covertly say something to someone without owning up to it. I almost hit "Delete" on this blog several times, but never did because that would be letting other people control me. And I wasn't the first blogger on earth, but I was the one of the first ones around here. I've never been out to be the next Dooce, I've never looked at this as anything but fun. And it wasn't anymore.
This leads up to the present. I'm here and not going anywhere. I am surrounded by the best friends and family I could ask for. I'm ready to offend people again. I like blogging. I feel an odd sense of release when I do it. I know it opens me up to people who won't appreciate me or GASP! maybe even people who don't like me. But that's fine. We all know how Howard Stern became the King of All Media... A lot of people listened to him because they liked him... but MORE people listened because they didn't like him.
So maybe I will be the next Dooce after all. :)
Nature of the beast
Humans are animals. As much as we like to think that we're special, in the end we're no different than the monkeys we came from. Watching human and animal behavior lately has really reinforced this for me.
Seeing birds fight for crumbs and the big birds bully the little birds away.
Seeing boy bees chase girl bees to do the deed.
Seeing men and women at bars... need I say more?
Seeing big kids bully little kids.
Seeing 3 boy ducks chase one girl duck, again for some sex.
Seeing a boy giraffe nag the hell out of a girl giraffe until she finally tells him to get it over with.
(A lot of the universe apparently revolves around sex, and around males trying their damndest to get some.)
Then I started thinking... maybe we are unique. Maybe there is something to us. Because we're not going on that same path. The big bully doesn't always, or even frequently, win the crumb anymore. Being bigger and more aggressive doesn't make you the top dog. Look at some of the most successful and powerful people in the world... and they're physically inferior. But the brains... the brains are where evolution is taking a funny little turn.
Seeing birds fight for crumbs and the big birds bully the little birds away.
Seeing boy bees chase girl bees to do the deed.
Seeing men and women at bars... need I say more?
Seeing big kids bully little kids.
Seeing 3 boy ducks chase one girl duck, again for some sex.
Seeing a boy giraffe nag the hell out of a girl giraffe until she finally tells him to get it over with.
(A lot of the universe apparently revolves around sex, and around males trying their damndest to get some.)
Then I started thinking... maybe we are unique. Maybe there is something to us. Because we're not going on that same path. The big bully doesn't always, or even frequently, win the crumb anymore. Being bigger and more aggressive doesn't make you the top dog. Look at some of the most successful and powerful people in the world... and they're physically inferior. But the brains... the brains are where evolution is taking a funny little turn.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Crap
Now that I told about my purse hiding spot... I'm going to have to stop taking my purse. Damnit. Will I ever win?!?!
How do these stories connect?
Story #1:
30th birthday, I vomit in my purse. Old news. Any and all items in the purse were subjected to a few days of alcohol sterilization. My auto insurance card was nearly falling apart, so I put it in a ziploc baggy and put it in my purse just in case... until the new one came.
Story #2:
I saw Wicked last week and it was AMAZING. Completely different from the book, but wonderful nonetheless. I went with a group of great whores, and I stashed a little puppy chow in my purse for myself and my food partner C. We ate it all.
Story #3:
A few days ago I was speeding to the gym. I put my purse in the trunk when going to the gym. I get pulled over by a motorcycle cop. He asks for my license and proof of insurance, and I explain that it's in the back. I get my purse and grab the first ziploc baggy I find to show him my insurance card, but instead pull out a small bag of white powder. Then I panic and say "It's not cocaine it's powdered sugar!" He is not amused. So then I pull out my other ziploc baggy with my barely held together insurance card in it. And I make it even better by telling him why the insurance card is tattered and torn and in a baggy.
There was no warning. I got a ticket.
30th birthday, I vomit in my purse. Old news. Any and all items in the purse were subjected to a few days of alcohol sterilization. My auto insurance card was nearly falling apart, so I put it in a ziploc baggy and put it in my purse just in case... until the new one came.
Story #2:
I saw Wicked last week and it was AMAZING. Completely different from the book, but wonderful nonetheless. I went with a group of great whores, and I stashed a little puppy chow in my purse for myself and my food partner C. We ate it all.
Story #3:
A few days ago I was speeding to the gym. I put my purse in the trunk when going to the gym. I get pulled over by a motorcycle cop. He asks for my license and proof of insurance, and I explain that it's in the back. I get my purse and grab the first ziploc baggy I find to show him my insurance card, but instead pull out a small bag of white powder. Then I panic and say "It's not cocaine it's powdered sugar!" He is not amused. So then I pull out my other ziploc baggy with my barely held together insurance card in it. And I make it even better by telling him why the insurance card is tattered and torn and in a baggy.
There was no warning. I got a ticket.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
Is he punishing me?
We eat out a few times a week... a lunch here, a dinner there...
My kids are well-behaved. We've gone out enough and taught them how to sit still and act like humans. Bravo us!!
But EVERY single time we go out, Buddha ALWAYS waits until our food arrives, then looks at me and says, "I gotta go poop." It NEVER FAILS. Tonight, he did it again. I literally wanted to beat my head against the table. Frequently it is Buddha, Cam, and me... no husband. I can't leave Cam, so I haul them both to the can. Buddha pees, then he farts. Never a poop. NEVER. He once accidentally shit his pants when he thought he had to fart, and now he's extremely cautious about farts/shits.
Is he punishing me? Does he do it on purpose? WHY?!?!
My kids are well-behaved. We've gone out enough and taught them how to sit still and act like humans. Bravo us!!
But EVERY single time we go out, Buddha ALWAYS waits until our food arrives, then looks at me and says, "I gotta go poop." It NEVER FAILS. Tonight, he did it again. I literally wanted to beat my head against the table. Frequently it is Buddha, Cam, and me... no husband. I can't leave Cam, so I haul them both to the can. Buddha pees, then he farts. Never a poop. NEVER. He once accidentally shit his pants when he thought he had to fart, and now he's extremely cautious about farts/shits.
Is he punishing me? Does he do it on purpose? WHY?!?!
Summary
I like it when people make rules, then don't apply those rules to themselves. That's awesome! Hypocritical is in, right?!?
This summer's plan: I am going to join and take both kids to the public pool. I'm nervous as hell. But if I'm a Mom!?! can do it with her 3 kids... I can do it with my 2. Right?!?! If all else fails, there's a park next door and we'll hang there and watch everyone else swim.
I won $50 to an adult store in MargaritaMama's giveaway. On my agenda: BluRay porn for Husband.
At pilates, the instructor told us to use all of our muscles, even our kegels. This is funny to me because Husband has been telling me he can see a difference in my abs, and he made the comment "Do they do any kegel classes?" to be a schmuck. Well, as it turns out, they do!
This weekend will be fun: Art Auction, baby shower, soccer, birthday... Then next week is Wicked!! So much fun to be had, so little time. It feels like every weekend is filled. And that's a good thing. But I'm tired. One of these weekends better get booked for a weekend away!
Twilight party: AWESOME!! Forks cupcakes, werewolf kibble, blood cookies, twizzlers, apples, and big screen in mommapeas' living room!! Great company but sadly, no pocket Edward.
Several easter egg hunts coming up... tonight we're having a mock egg hunt-boot camp. Cam needs training to find mommy the eggs with snickers in them!
Got Coldplay tickets!!
This summer's plan: I am going to join and take both kids to the public pool. I'm nervous as hell. But if I'm a Mom!?! can do it with her 3 kids... I can do it with my 2. Right?!?! If all else fails, there's a park next door and we'll hang there and watch everyone else swim.
I won $50 to an adult store in MargaritaMama's giveaway. On my agenda: BluRay porn for Husband.
At pilates, the instructor told us to use all of our muscles, even our kegels. This is funny to me because Husband has been telling me he can see a difference in my abs, and he made the comment "Do they do any kegel classes?" to be a schmuck. Well, as it turns out, they do!
This weekend will be fun: Art Auction, baby shower, soccer, birthday... Then next week is Wicked!! So much fun to be had, so little time. It feels like every weekend is filled. And that's a good thing. But I'm tired. One of these weekends better get booked for a weekend away!
Twilight party: AWESOME!! Forks cupcakes, werewolf kibble, blood cookies, twizzlers, apples, and big screen in mommapeas' living room!! Great company but sadly, no pocket Edward.
Several easter egg hunts coming up... tonight we're having a mock egg hunt-boot camp. Cam needs training to find mommy the eggs with snickers in them!
Got Coldplay tickets!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
