Buddha's First Day

I took him to preschool today... I had butterflies.
He was excited though, and practically jumped out of the car! Once he got out, he did look around with that little lost/confused look that breaks my heart. I don't ever want him to feel lost.
I drove away and felt like half of my body was missing. I looked at his carseat and sobbed. I missed him. The house was so quiet. Cam took a nap and I cleaned bathrooms. My house will finally be clean to my former standards! Kids have really lowered my definition of clean. And edible.
I had lunch with the girls. I went to pick him up. I'm a Mom!?! and I were the first ones there! They weren't even ready for pick ups yet. But I saw him in the window, looking serene but not sad, still a little lost... or maybe I just think I saw that. He saw me and I saw his mouth move to the perfect movement that "MOMMY!" makes. He was excited to see me. But not in a "I've been miserable all day" way. More of a "I knew you'd come back" way. His teacher said he had a happy day with no potty accidents, he participated in group play, and he didn't cry.
The whole way home we talked about school. And honestly, even though the minute he got back in the car I instantly felt whole again... there's still a little piece that I think is gone forever. And I know it's a good thing, but I also know what lies ahead for him. I take lots of comfort in the way we're raising him and the people who surround him. I only hope society can be as kind to him as he deserves.